I adore Super Mario Sunshine, I really do. It's my favorite 3D Mario, and I know that that happens to be a very lonely position to be in. But even with my love for this game, there is no excuse for that lackluster final battle. This boss makes the list simply because you can beat it in your sleep. It's so ridiculously easy that when he died the first time, I honestly thought I was being trolled and that the real final boss would appear suddenly to challenge me. But no.
Ah, the other side of Team Ninja. It baffles me how one of the companies responsible for some of the most incredibly well designed boss battles in gaming can also be responsible for some of the absolute worst. I honestly couldn't find a good picture or video of this boss; probably because it's so God awful that it imploded into a black hole of suck and tore the fabric of the universe enough to fall into oblivion. Like it fuckin' should have! Here's the thing: Omega isn't actually difficult, he is just obnoxious. As soon as the battle begins, the camera switches position and stays fixed behind your character, making it annoying even to move forward. The final boss of Dead or Alive 3 makes this list because I felt less like I was fighting a tough enemy and more like I was making poor Helena train for track-and-field under threat of death.
Team Ninja has the dubious honor of making this list twice - back to back no less. This one is a boss so cheap that it's a wonder the game doesn't just automatically kill you off the moment the match countdown starts. Let's see: she can teleport around the arena, she can counter-hold teleport, she can can land perfectly timed counters, she has deadly strings of floating combos that can't be escaped if you're caught in them, she has nearly-impossible-to-escape throws that can take from a quarter to half of your health bar, she's impossibly fast, and she's brutally aggressive. Yeah, fuck you Team Ninja!
I actually managed to beat this cheap douchenozzle while garnering a "Great" victory a few times (i.e. taking no damage during the entire fight), because as I briefly mentioned before I used to main Helena. Helena's Bokuho stance keeps her low to the ground so I was able to avoid several of Alpha's more ridiculous strings if I had enough luck. But heaven for-fuckin'-bid you have a character that can't go low, or worse; good luck beating her with slow characters like Bayman.
L.O.-fuckin'-L! The only reason this "boss" doesn't get the top spot is because that honor goes to another boss that is awful on a scale of biblical proportions, but I promise you that this one is a very close second. I cannot begin to fathom what happened here: was it that Lionhead Studios wanted to go for something dramatic? Or was it that they ran out of time? I'm inclined to believe the latter. Only time constraints could possibly make them create a "boss" that you can kill in a single shot. What's that? You didn't kill him because you didn't know you had to shoot him? Don't worry, one of the NPCs around you will do the job for you and off him. Lionhead studios has to be the laziest game development house of all time, with each Fable game adding more and more problems to the series and fixing none of the previous ones. It's like they had this enormous metaphorical rug where they scooped all the problems away, which was fine for the first game, but by the third game all the glitches and bad choices basically turned the poor rug into an unclimbable steep mountain of absolute shit game design.
This easily has to be the single worst boss battle in gaming history. It is so bad that if you look at the video I posted, it is only part one of three. It's not that the boss battle is difficult or particularly challenging (it actually gets easier as you progress through its bajillion forms), but that it is needlessly long. The final boss in Kingdom Hearts vehemently refuses to die, even after you've bashed his face in with the keyblade for about 20 minutes. He is the video game equivalent of 50 Cent or herpes (which, coincidentally, are the exact same thing). This wouldn't be so annoying if it wasn't for the fact that Kingdom Hearts has a glaringly shit battle system to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I love Kingdom Hearts, but I recognize how grating battling in the game can be. So combine that with an annoying, unimaginative, overly long boss battle and you have a recipe for fun that's about on equal footing as sticking butter knives under your toe nails...or listening to 50 Cent's music on a loop, amirite?*
- Kharlo -
*Disclaimer: do not try that at homes kids. I don't mean the butter knife part, I mean the 50 Cent part.
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