Do you play any of Zynga's games on Facebook or Myspace (My what? Yeah, humor my attempt at being virtually PC)? Do I really need to go through the list of games they've put out because you many or may not have paid any attention to who's to blame when your pixels don't load? ... Please ignore how vaguely dirty that sounded and jump with me.
According to the almighty Wikipedia, these are the games they used to have:
Their current poisons to pick from? Try Blackjack, Café World, CityVille, FarmVille, FishVille, FrontierVille, Live Poker, Mafia Wars, Pathwords, PetVille, Street Racing, Pirates: Rule the Caribbean!, Scramble Live, Sudoku, Texas Hold'Em Poker, Treasure Isle, Vampire Wars, WarStorm, Word Twist, Yakuza Lords, & YoVille on for size. Oh yes. All the spam posts from your friends how clicking on their cow, or join my mafia before I kill you, and congratulate me because I just kept my virtual sea urchin alive for eight days straight are Zynga's fault. If you want to go throw a brick at one of their buildings across the globe, by my guest. I'll wait.
Did you run out of bricks already? That is why I carry a Mary-Poppins-magically-bottomless bag with my 98% of the time. For such occasions.
I think I'm guilty of playing/ trying out a grand total of six piles of absurdity from the current lineup. Why yes, I do feel the need to take a shower because those colorful sprites leave me feeling unclean. Can you tell I'm not a fan? There just doesn't seem to be a truly original idea in the batch. I feel that the once exclusive Facebook gained a foot up on customizable Myspace mostly because of the ease of adding gaming applications to the interface. This company seems to have found one method of executing tedious mind-numbing monotony and put a different face on it every few months when the ratings begin to dip. When someone else develops a theme or concept that becomes remotely popular, here Zynga comes top wring every last drop of life and whimsy from the idea with their tried and true mumbo jumbo.
It reminds me of Spongebob Squarepants episodes when the Krabby Patties are no longer made with the love in the secret formula and is just a pile of gray mush that just looks like a delicious Krabby Patty on the outside or when you're not paying enough attention. Blast me all you want for taking such arms but that won't change my mind about the company as a whole and everything they pump out of their money-grubbin'-soul-stealing-life-wasting factory. Granted, Facebook games are a big waste of time or procrastination tool, but I feel they take it to a whole 'nother dimension of suckery. You can click on their logo where it will take you to their Wiki page. I'm not the only ones that feel this way and they have been formally accused of everything I'm brought up in much more legal and eloquent terms.
I'll spare you the misery of listening to my rant against their visuals. For now. I'll just say, yuck.
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Now, to get the fun part about reviewing Kharlo's lists!
I am so glad that he mentioned Monkey Island in his Top Five Video Game Series post. That means that he's played more than the latest installment and that makes me incredibly happy. I feel that this series was pretty darn unique. Something about the ever changing art style, quirky character personalities, intriguingly fun story lines, and old school game play makes these game magical. The Legend of Zelda. What can I say? It truly is legendary. That game has somehow managed to take the same ideas, wrapped them up in totally different ways, and given us a gift time and time again. How are they still finding ways for me to want to learn all the snippets of songs and suffer through another water or fiery level while playing a character that the game isn't even named after? I always seem to find some enjoyment playing each of the installments on a console or a handheld and I don't think it's wise to question why.
In his lamentations of the Top Five Disappointments, I think some of the titles go hand in hand with being overrated. Some of the games on the list weren't necessary a ball of suck, they just didn't live up to expectations (let alone surpassing any successors). It's just like movie sequels and yet we all keep coming back, giving enough money and momentum for the sad cycle to continue. My brief thoughts (didn't think I could have those, hm?) are that I had Pokemon Sapphire, it's around that time that I stopped obsessing over the game the day it came out, but I'm super excited to try out Black and/or White.
I honestly cringed a little bit when Kharlo wrote about his Top Five Video Game Bosses. Why? Because it's my turn to be a giant ball of suck. Remember how I said I was a casual gamer? It's a nicer way of saying that I'm not good at all. At anything. Especially boss fights during which you were supposed to use every move you've learned throughout the game all at the same time. Sorry, I didn't learn anything but getting lucky with a few jumps that were supposed to be timed and a lot of enthusiastic button-smashing. I'm the bum that will seek out my baby brother with puppy eyes and ask him to "help me" not get a game over after I've squandered all of my lives doing the dumbest crap ever within the first two seconds of the final encounter. Oh, there's a flaming gloved fist that takes up half the screen coming at me? I'll just catch that with my face. Whoops! I just tripped over that tentacle that was emitting blue static charges eight times. Damn, how am I half dead before he even finishes his maniacal laughter? I am such a backseat driver when I'm having someone else fight the last fight for me too. "Why didn't you jump then? Well, I know I can't make that jump. But I know you could have! So why didn't you jump?!" I'm surprised I'm not elbowed in the face more often.
Is it just me or did you have the song from the ending credits of Portal playing in your head too as you read the rest of Kharlo's list? Well, just in case:
Kharlo couldn't contain himself, surprise- surprise!, and gushed about his Top Five 3D Final Fantasy games. I've played FFXI and the long awaited Nintendo DS version, so I have to tell him to TRY THE 2D VERSIONS! You'll enjoy seeing the sprites in your beloved world full of battles and morality through a whole new (albeit smaller) perspective.
I had to giggle and then grimace when I saw that he was writing about his Top Five Pokemon Monsters. I still need to get my hands on Pokemon White but I remember the days when I used to be able to name them all. And then their numbers explodes to several thousand and my attitude turned into: eff that, I'll buy an Pokedex book instead. Since I have yet to do that, I'm a little behind in what all the cool trainers are catching nowadays *snorts*. I bursted out laughing when I read about his top two picks, they are hilariously amazing. However, does anyone else feel as if these newer critters are going the way of the Digimon? I love both, I do, but these names (Brownbearonatuesdayafternoon-mon) and the looks are... interesting. I can't tell whether they're finally trying to branch away from their tried and true looks or whether they are just splicing together random crap from their commute to work. That said, I still find anything that's tiny, had beady little eyes, and is made of pixels because I'm a shallow human-being like that.
Oooh, Kharlo's Top Five Wildcard games of 2011! Is it just me or does I Am Alive strike a little close to home in terms of many of the movies that are capitalizing on the impending apocalyptic 2012? Personally, we've been buffing up on our survival shows to learn how to make fires out of steel wool and such (that crap really works!) and are honestly planning on learning how to garden in the desert. Not that we believe in the 2012 hype, but with how things are going in the world... well, we just can't keep taking the resources we have no for granted. Zombies are becoming as tiring as vampires. There. I said it. I friggin' love fantasy/ folklore/ magical creatures but seriously? Can you not come up with anything else? I'm intrigued by the reinvention of Lara Croft because between her and the new costume [concept] of Wonder Woman being released, I'm not quite sure how I feel about the changes.
I'm just like Kharlo in feeling if we had the abilities to, I would totally want to create and program some fan work. He mentioned in his Top Five Fan Works how fans have taken it upon themselves to fill the gaps in between releases of big name games with aspects that were much desired by the community (even if it was under a different name) such as graphics, new worlds/ levels, or more options. Although I don't seem to see too many of those around anymore, I want to believe that this is because the industry is listening more to their consumers and adapting. Business-wise, why the hell not? It's free marketing, ideas, and testing.
Pet peeves. The gloves came off, earrings removed, the hair tied back, and the nails sharpened when he wrote about his Top Five Things That Can Ruin a Gaming Experience. By the way, I didn't do the tennis racket dance. I had to save up my quarters and dimes that I earned by licking the kitchen floor clean to then beg my mom to take me to the store at the end of an endless day of errands that always included a trip to a department store in the section of clothing that had no chairs, but I also digress. :P Save points! It's like the moment after your computer has a heart attack and you release that it's been three months since you last created and system restore backup file. Just saw off my virtual arm or punch in the face now. Oh, and gee thanks for getting me pissed off too with your number one pet peeve, Kharlo. He said it well, so you can just check that out if you haven't already. Grr...
Well, I hope you enjoyed and I'm off to go punt a chihuahua or something.
See you next week!
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