This one has to make the list; not by default, but because it deserves it. You might think that this pairing is shallow and you'd be completely right. Of course nobody is expecting depth from a Super Mario story! Why would they? It's the gameplay that sells Mario titles (as it should be). But how many times has Mario saved Peach from doom even though we all know she doesn't put out for him? Yeah, this pairing has fueled some of the best video games ever made. See, you might argue that Super Mario is a game about stomping mushrooms and ridding the universe of some bad guy who has nothing better to do than try to outdo Godzilla as Japan's most well known anthropomorphic lizard...turtle...erm...thing... <_<
But no. At its core, Mario is about an eternal quest for Royal Pussy. That's it. They make the list because Mario is so damned persistent that the poor guy deserves at least some recognition. I just hope Peach never puts out for Mario, because once he actually tries that va-jay-jay he might never again want to save her. I mean, why would he? Vaginas have teeth, don't they?
I jest!
Sort of...
*AHEM*
Yuna is a woman on a mission and she will not let anything get in the way of that, not even love. I will admit that as Final Fantasy games go the story of X is pretty darned good and the romance between the two characters is excellent. If you watched the ending where Yuna runs right through Tidus and you didn't get at least a little bit teary-eyed, then you, sir or madam, have no soul! The entire romance between these two is very touching and well developed, as well as really well paced. Even in the sequel the romance between them is great; the good ending was particularly nice. What's not to like?
"It all began when I saw this sphere of you..."
...but mostly just Elena. Actually, if I had it my way, Elena and Chloe would be dating while Nathan Drake sits on the bench being the unfunny douchebag that he is. Face it: Nathan Drake is the video game equivalent of Dane Cook. OH YEAH, I WENT THAR! But the funny thing is that when Elena and Nathan get together there is something really great there. It might be the voice acting or it might be the superb animations in the Uncharted series, but there is something very human about the romance between these two. It's mostly about the sums of its parts which just add up really well. Even with my dislike of Drake I couldn't help but smile toward the end of Uncharted 2: Among Thieves.
But seriously, Elena should dump Nate and go for Chloe. The sexual tension between those two girls is obvious even to me, a gay man with no interest in vagina (redundancy FTW!).
Oh, come on! Don't look at me like that! These two couldn't be gayer for each other if they were extra characters in Muscle March. They've been "friends" for how long now? And they live together and adopt a little girl? That's like Gay Nirvana right there. You might think that this an impossibility because Snake is straight, right? Wrong. There is a scene in Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty/Substance where if you take pictures of a poster with a muscled male in one of the lockers and then upload it to Otacon (Oh, God! The sexual innuendos!), you get a pretty interesting response from Snake's "friend." I'm not quoting this verbatim, mind you, but more or less Otacon tells Snake, upon seeing said picture/pictures, that it "explains a lot." I'm sure it does, Otacon, I'm sure it does: like why the two of you had such an in depth conversation about "love blooming on the battlefield" and later rode off into the sunset together on a snowmobile. Presumably to find pussy...yeah, pussy! That's it! Attack those coochies man! <_<
Solid Snake is, at the very least, bisexual. Even if it isn't explicitly stated, it's heavily hinted at several times through the series and the relationship between these two is vague at best. But, if you sit there and analyze the relationship between Otacon and Snake, it becomes pretty obvious that there is more than just a friendship there. And why not? Kojima has proven that sexuality in the Metal Gear Solid universe is not really as simple as in other games (and really, it's pretty close to real life in that sense). There is no reason that Solid Snake can't be anything other than heterosexual. Believe it or not, heroes come in all sexualities.
Now if only I could figure out who is the top and who is the bottom...
Warning: Massive Spoilers Ahead!
I know it seems a little strange to specify the sex of Hawke in this one, but several differences make the male!Hawke and Anders romance better than the female!Hawke and Anders romance. For one thing, the dialogue possibilities are funnier: really, how your uncle comments that he knows who the "girl" is in the relationship after Anders moves into the Hawke Estate is effin' hysterical. It's probably my favorite line of video game dialogue. But that's not really what makes the male!Hawke romance better than the female!Hawke one: there's an extra layer of irony and intensity added to the male/male romance because not only is Anders a persecuted mage, he's also homosexual. It sort of gives him double the reason to fight for freedom and equality, which really stretches the dialogue. At times, when Anders talks to your male!Hawke and tells him about the negatives of dating one another, you kind of start to wonder if the fear of prosecution comes from the use of magic or the homosexuality involved. It's really neat when you piece it all together.
On a more general scale, the romance is very touching, both through the story itself and because of the interactions with other characters. Take for example how your party members react to the news that your Hawke is now dating the crazy, brooding mage with a troubled past. It was a little awesome and all the while amazeballs when Varric decided to have a chat with my male!Hawke to let him know that he was watching his back and that he was worried about my male!Hawke dating someone who wasn't too stable. It was a pivotal moment that really brought the romance to light, adding a nice layer of personality to the game by acknowledging the player's choice in lover and never shying away. It may not seem like much but it's kind of cool that a game that doesn't make romance the most important part of its story actually doesn't leave romances underdeveloped either.
The best moment in the whole romance though comes toward the end when Anders blows up the entire-fuckin'-Chantry right in front of you. It was a little odd for me to have the choice to kill him or let him live/run away with him, because neither answer was really the correct one. It was a moment that, after spending time trying to romance this character, turned the game upside down for me (in a good way). Really, there is no emotion this romance won't make you feel.
It's number one for all the reasons mentioned above, but also because it represents a landmark in equality. male!Hawke and Anders represents the first, really well made gay romance in a video game. It's sort of like when Roddenberry added Uhura to Star Trek; a bold move during a time when the equality of African-Americans was not quite yet a reality. It's brave moves like that - role model characters with complex stories - that really bring us closer to equality in the media and in popular opinion. That is why male!Hawke and Anders are the best couple in video gaming history.
- Kharlo -
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